It's funny how hitting rock bottom can turn out to be so inspirational.
I'm just going to run with this and see how far I get.
So it has been exactly 2 months since my last blog post. I have been finding it difficult to find topics that I am really passionate about. I think there is a definite link between present circumstances and what influences your passions. It definitely influences it in some or other way.
Have you ever felt that what you really want to achieve is never actually revealed to you? I always admire those people that have their lives set out for them, like they got a memo telling them exactly what to do to achieve success and happiness. Like a step by step manual that tells you exactly how to get there according to your talents, your needs and in the given time frame. Wouldn't it just be amazing to have something like that?
Funny enough I have always been one of those people that knew what they wanted to do with their lives, I knew that journalism is what I wanted to do, I knew that I would end up in a journalistic position when i am finished with my degree. Through first, second and third year I had this certainty and it definitely had a major impact on my love for what I was doing.
It all changed in 4th year, I was confronted with the task of prioritising what I actually love (music) for what I thought I loved (journalism). It's funny how true passions are revealed when you are doing something that just doesn't appeal to you anymore. That has definitely been the case for me.
Now I am not saying that I hate journalism completely, in fact, I still have this basic love for writing and interacting with people that is just ingrained in my being. I am just finding it difficult to build a relationship with what is expected of me in my current reality with what I actually want to do. Why must there always be this conflict with what is expected from you and what you truly want to do.
Now I know that there will be areas in my life that I won't enjoy, heck this just might be a phase that I am going through but I am always asking the question of why won't life just give you what you really want and aspire to? why does it always insist on shitting on your parade when you work so hard to achieve that happiness that you get from doing what you love. I know that life does this to make you stronger, to separate the men from the boys but it just seems useless to me. But I guess that is just one of life's mysteries that will never be explained.
I know I am not the first person to write about this feeling and most people have experienced such an existential crisis in some or other form.
The best advice I've gotten about approaching this feeling is that you just gotta mission on and determine what is integral to your own life, if it's not important, let it go and mission on. This is definitely what I am going to try and do. Even if life won't let me, I will mission on and do what makes me happy.